Is fear driving you?

Fear can be a powerful driver of our behavior. When we operate with fear as the driver, we often are discounting other important cues in the peripheral (e.g. resilience, or resources, such  as our own knowledge and abilities). As a result, we aren’t looking out at our situation authentically, or how it actually is. Instead we are focusing on what fear is insistent on showing us. When we allow fear to remain as the driver, over time, it more often drives a reluctance to try something different, even when we’re unhappy over the direction we’re heading. Fear also then invites its friends— self-doubt, judgement, and ambivalence to the drive, who further convince us to remain as we are. 

Replacing fear as the driver is tough, and takes work and time, yet there are ways to allow other drivers take a turn, and gradually allow fear to take a backseat...

Self-reflection can have a powerful impact on reducing the automatic influence of emotion driven behaviors and regaining control over your drive. Is fear driving you? 

Ask yourself the following to find out:

⚡️ What fears are driving you, and who else has the fear invited? This could be self-doubt, rejection, judgment, failure. Fear has a lot of negative associates!

⚡️ Is fear an authentic friend, or has fear misled you to beliefs that aren’t grounded in your present reality? What are those beliefs? Often they come in the form of should beliefs (e.g. I should be better, but I fail), or all-or nothing thinking (e.g. I can never seem to do anything right). Is there room to look at these beliefs from a different perspective or question their validity? For example, if your belief is I can never do anything right, what are some examples where you have succeeded?

⚡️ Emotion-driven behaviors often act like our auto-pilot and take us in a direction that is not in congruence with the direction we want to go. It often leads us to escape difficult situations or conflict that would ultimately take us on the desired path. If you were to allow fear to take a backseat for a moment, would you still want to be heading in the same direction? In other words, is fear driving you towards the life you want, or is it taking you on a detour?

⚡️ What changes or possibilities would exist if fear had a smaller impact on your behavior? Allow yourself the freedom for a moment to imagine the alternate possibilities that would open up if fear was a smaller factor in your decision making. What other emotions would you let yourself feel? What opportunities for growth would open up? Would you shift career choice, go back to school, leave a toxic relationship, start fresher healthier ones? Or would the opportunities start on a smaller scale— would you initiate more conversations, tell others’ when you feel unappreciated, take a risk even when you may be wrong, or try something new?

With any new behavior change, understanding why the previous entrenched thing you’ve been always doing worked for so long is often the place to start. Fear is adaptive because it serves to protect us. On the other hand, it keeps us from taking risks and changing paths. Understanding why fear shows up in your life is the first step towards making a lasting change.