Why Ignoring Intrusive Thoughts Isn’t Failure—It’s a Strategy for Growth
Do you ever notice your mind offering up thoughts you didn’t sign up for? Thoughts that seem to latch on at the worst possible moment? Maybe you’re gearing up for an important presentation, only to hear a voice in your head say, “What if I say the wrong thing and everyone thinks I’m incompetent?” Or perhaps you’re working on a high-stakes project and catch yourself spiraling: “If I make even one mistake, it’ll ruin my reputation.”
If you’ve experienced this, you’re not alone. Intrusive, confidence-shaking thoughts happen to all of us—whether you’re an athlete staring down a big game, a professional prepping for a career-defining moment, or simply someone trying to navigate the pressures of life. These thoughts can be overwhelming, convincing, and, let’s face it, incredibly sticky. They have a knack for showing up when you least expect them and can easily derail your focus.
For example, take a client I’ll call Sarah. Sarah is an accomplished attorney, someone her colleagues describe as a “rockstar.” But every time she prepared for court, she’d face the same intrusive thought: “What if I completely freeze and forget everything? They’ll think I’m a fraud.” No matter how many times Sarah succeeded, the thought returned, as persistent as ever. It’s easy to see how thoughts like these could shake even the most confident person.
Or consider Mike, a creative director with years of experience. Before brainstorming sessions, Mike often found himself battling a mental narrative that whispered, “You’re not as talented as everyone else in the room. Why even bother speaking up?” These moments didn’t reflect Mike’s actual abilities but had the power to leave him second-guessing his ideas.
These types of thoughts don’t just appear out of nowhere. They’re often tied to our deepest fears about failure, rejection, or inadequacy. And they’re not exclusive to OCD—though people with OCD might experience them more frequently. The good news? You don’t have to engage with these thoughts. In fact, learning how to not engage with them is a powerful strategy for growth and resilience.
The Power of Non-Engagement Responses
Here’s where non-engagement responses come into play. Non-engagement isn’t about ignoring your thoughts or pretending they don’t exist. It’s about acknowledging them without letting them dictate your actions, your mood, or your confidence. Think of it like standing at a train station. When a train of unwanted thoughts pulls in, you notice it, but you don’t have to get on board.
Non-engagement responses allow you to observe your thoughts with curiosity instead of judgment and return your focus to what truly matters. Over time, they can reduce the stickiness of intrusive thoughts and free up mental energy for the things you value most.
Examples of Non-Engagement in Action
Here are a few examples of how you can respond to those sticky, derailing thoughts:
“That’s just my mind doing its thing.”
Sarah started using this phrase when her intrusive thoughts crept in before court. Instead of trying to silence the thought or argue with it, she’d take a deep breath and remind herself: “That’s just my brain trying to keep me safe. I don’t have to react.” This simple acknowledgment helped her stay grounded.“This doesn’t define me.”
For Mike, this response became a game-changer. When thoughts about not being talented enough popped up, he’d tell himself: “A thought is just a thought. It doesn’t define my creativity or my worth.” Repeating this mantra helped him refocus on contributing to the brainstorming session instead of getting stuck in self-doubt.“Hello, thought. Goodbye, thought.”
This response is particularly helpful when a thought feels insistent, almost demanding your attention. Treat the thought like a passing car or a fleeting cloud. You can mentally wave at it, acknowledge its presence, and let it drift away. By doing this, you’re reinforcing the idea that you’re in control, not the thought.
Why Non-Engagement Works
Our brains are wired to pay attention to perceived threats, even when those threats are just thoughts. The more we engage with an intrusive thought—by arguing with it, trying to disprove it, or even attempting to push it away—the more power we give it. Non-engagement flips the script. By refusing to wrestle with the thought, you’re teaching your brain that it doesn’t need to sound the alarm every time.
It’s not about avoiding or suppressing the thought but rather about coexisting with it without letting it derail you. Think of it like walking through a park where someone is loudly shouting unhelpful advice. You hear it, but you don’t have to stop and engage. You can keep walking, focused on your own path.
Building Confidence Through Practice
Non-engagement is a skill, and like any skill, it gets easier with practice. The next time a derailing thought shows up, try one of the responses above. Remind yourself that thoughts are just mental events—they don’t define your abilities or your future.
Over time, you’ll find that these intrusive thoughts lose their grip. Instead of derailing your confidence, they’ll become background noise as you stay focused on what truly matters: your goals, your growth, and your values. Because at the end of the day, it’s not about silencing every thought—it’s about learning to thrive alongside them.
